RIP

RIP Alicia Hizo Jardiolin, 24 April 2009 about 6:10PM Pavia, Iloilo, Philippines

I just finished the rosary with my father. It's the first time I've prayed seriously, not even being Catholic anymore. I calmly sweated a mosquito gorging on my blood, it's desperately itchy now.

It's my first time seeing rigor mortis in person. I'm not afraid though. Coming back to the Philippines, people would always share ghost stories with me. I would be frequently scared. Now, if I would say I would be scared of anything it would be not really living, not taking risks, always playing safe. Whether I end up staying here a day, a week or a month more I'm so happy to be here now and have had the opportunity to be with Lola.

I was shopping with Sheilla, looking for a ruffle skirt for dance class. When I got home from a light-hearted day of shopping, my manang told me my lola had passed away. I was in shock and in disbelieve. She has been weak for about a year now and I am happy to see her in a restful place. Really. Actually, I was afraid I wouldn't cry and then I realized that was bullshit. So what if I cried or I didn't, that doesn't mean I don't love or miss Lola. It is so easy to pass judgment on simple actions but soon you get to be mature enough where none of that matters. Death is a reality.

There is much I wanted to say to her, especially in these few days that I've been sick but I'm glad we were able to be together at this time, sharing our stories.

Stories and memories are what I have left of my lola. Amazing, funny stories. No matter how weak lola was, she had an amazing memory. Manang Jenny told me about grandma's vision of her judgment, in a beautiful garden with a TV playing her sins before her. Grandma was not perfect or sinless. No one is perfect but if I ever had an example of forgiveness, kindness and compassion it is my lola.

My brother and I call her angel face. She is the one who would feed pidgeons and bluejays on our deck. The one who put a ruler gently to my head and told me to sit up straight. I will correct my posture for her. She's given me advice about boys, I can't remember all of it but that I need a presentable man, I need to be a professional and not just look for looks.

Above all, my great lesson that she has given me is the ability to listen, really listen to a person and that "life is short."

I think it's a perfect time to start a book in Lola's honor at her funeral as a rememberance, I'll pick up a diary today.

Life is short and I celebrate you Alicia Hizo Jardiolin, may your soul eternally rest in peace and your kindness live on in my life and those that have known and loved you.

No matter a persons faults, Lola seemed to love unconditionally. I get that from her and her love of dropping deuces. I definitely get that from her. And my eyebrows and great hair, definitely grandma helped in that department :)

I love you forever Lola. Be with peace. Shalom. Paz. Every good blessing in the world.