sense and senselessness

senselessness: not marked by the use of reason.

There are some grand and frustrating absurdities in life. I've often felt in myself and seen in others a vain attempt to try to be something - something for someone you care about, someone else for your lover, someone different for your family, someone to this friend, someone else to that friend. It's powerful once you can just be who you are in the process. Seeing someone who is completely themselves, even for a moment, is a uplifting thing to witness.

One of my classmates in high school passed away this week. I didn't know her well but had the pleasure of witness the twinkle in her eyes and the joie de vivre she radiated. She was simply beautiful, inside and out, an athlete, an intelligent woman who seemed to be wonderfully mature in the sense of herself she projected. She also, even if just only in her teens, seemed to have a deeper sense of self than most.

Death doesn't discriminate and when someone who embodied living well, like she did, passes in her youth - it's frustrating and senseless. It makes me laugh at the insanity of being in my own head with the little problems I create for myself when life is simply too short and I've been humbled with enough examples to know that. I feel so irresponsible being unmotivated and wallowing recently when there is so much life and only this moment to live Well.

Shannon Hayes, may you have an eternal, amazing peace. I wish I knew what and how you came to radiate amazing warmth and joy, your gorgeous smile and and an unmistakable joie de vivre. I remember catching the twinkle in your eyes exchanging hellos through the locker lined rooms in PHS. You seemed to have a place in your heart for everyone. Your were simply a beautifu, genuinel human being. I'm humbled to have known you. Thank you for reminding me to live strong. RIP.