I am about one week into my relocation, facing a new morning. It's about 3am and I miss home terribly. The night is warm and rain is falling. It like a song of cascading water. Maybe God is crying, maybe Allah is taking a shower, maybe the goddess is urinating. Thunder rolls through the sky and a couple tiny ants join me in bed. It strange being in warm rain.
Every time I've been on vacation here in the Philippines, Iloilo specifically, I've always had the feeling like I could stay forever. I could stay forever. I LOVE IT HERE!!! I feel myself in this space where I am more present, perhaps because time is slower. This space created where each experience seems more meaningful because I can pay more attention. There are less distractions in developing nations. Each time I talk about this place to someone abroad or even local it, the magic and majesty I speak of here is evident. All I have to do is look out my window to the luscious, the natural green beauty just outside my doors. It's breathtaking. And what's more it's all from the earth. Every night I sleep to a rainforest soundtrack and my room is filled with the sensual smells of ripe mangos, midnight jasmine, ylang ylang and vanilla. Now that the possibility and REALITY of living here's is actualized, all I can think about is life back in LA.
DAMN, ATTACHMENT!!! Buddha is enlightened and so right. So many parallel truth in religious philosophy. Jesus talks about the kingdom of God being at hand. Buddha about detachment.
Here's a couple things. I miss Nonoy and Mama. I miss friends and farmers' markets with some of the most talented stars of agriculture in california. I long for the sweet touches of power yoga and Sunday beach runs and certain men. I miss driving. But let me put this into perspective. Nonoy and Mama have always been there for me and will continue to be there. There is also that lovely thing called skype. Friends, well what better test of friendship then time and distance, but honestly who needs to test. I'm grateful for amazing moments with friends and since I know nothing last forever each moment becomes more meaningful because it's the only one there is. Farmers' markets will be there too but dude, I'm a fuckin' farmer over here. I have wild papaya growing outside my window. Power yoga, well you can't replace power yoga, the post yoga euphoria or studying with your favorite yogi, but Bryan always talks about the "teacher within." Here's my opportunity to cultivate myself and the greatest teacher in my life. Besides, power yoga has DVD albeit not the same as the class but I don't think any teacher really has the intention of having a student follow them forever. Driving, especially at night or early mornings on clear freeways, hmm maybe that can't be replaced but I'll work it out. I think it is more of the meditative space created on that open road. But as soon as I get a bike out here, i'll find a clear road and serene area to do that in and find that meditative space. I would really love to get a motorcycle here. The men, well I could brush them off and say they were douches but they weren't. It was just kinda nice to have a harem of attractive men to call on. That sounds bad and egotistical but I guess I mean being in the company of a member of opposite sex that you find attractive doesn't have to be shallow. It's stimulate and can inspire the art of seduction. Lust abounds and burns into my loins. I think that can happen on any part of the globe.
So what, of course I miss the familar. One of my greatest endeavors has been to learn to detach and this is a wonderful excercise in it. If only I didn't so heavily attach to things I love, I would be able to tap into my power. I could be stronger. Whatever, attachment happened and that love and appreciation was created. So what if it's not here, they're not here or that possibility is not here. It existed at a point and I was blessed to appreciate it. Here, I can be with my father and my extended family and grow closer to my roots and heritage. I learn such VALUABLE lessons from my grandmother, my Lola A, and have some deep, diaphragmatic laughs from my Lola M. I can stay with a tribe and do some high intensity dance training. I have my own space that's turning into an amazing room for rest, love, yoga, study and art. I'm learning how to run a infant business and will be making the steps to creating my own. Everything is amazing. It is above all an excellent place to be authentic and to be in my peace.
This sock me in the face sobering sadness is bullshit or as so lovely said here, na halin sa ariputan (coming out of an asshole). It is amazing to be here and alive, walking, breathing and living. I've learned some things having the pleasure of living these years and here is this wonderful opportunity to test and to experiment in lifestyle design and living certain truths I have learned - being present and living in the now, living in gratitude, creating your happiness, thinking BIG, radical honesty, radically loving your bad ass self, authenticity, detachment and living slower with full attention and intention.
No more filler moments. No more wishy washy stagnation. I had those there. I filled that void with some good and some not so "optimal" things. I want to start a career and I have an opportunity to finish my education, learn all I can about business and cultivate myself and my bliss.
So, I recognize this feeling of sadness and thank myself for being able to feel. It makes me realize how valuable my experience, my life, the people I love, and things that help me create joy have been of true value because I'll miss them. It is however time to live in the now.
The new sadness of the morning has gone and left the building of my being. It's not serving my intention.
Honestly, water pressure, I miss water pressure!
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